Cruising Alone

  I never understand it, Why people are so afraid of letting me shine, As if I stole something from them and made it mine. They’d rather have me stay small, Than proudly cheer when I stand tall. I’ve seen this on repeat, Ever since I was born, As if I took something of theirs, Snatched it and made my throne. People won’t tell me things— What if I win? As if I was forcefully put in this skin. I’ve rarely seen people truly appreciate me at all, Yet I’ve seen them try to pull me down in a group, But one-on-one, they’re trying to win my affection, And then label me with duplicitous intentions. They may be sad if I die, But often make sure I never fully thrive. So, I go on and hide, Enjoying all my sides.

  Once upon a time, I fell for the tricks, Like a snake charmer's flute and got caught in the mix. You had me swaying to your borrowed tune, But the charm’s wearing off, and I’m biting back soon. Oh, I was cute, I was kind, played the motherly part, I patched up your messes and healed your heart. La Familia filters—yeah, I used to care, But now I’m shedding that skin, you’re left in the glare. I’m not shrinking my growth just to fit your frame, I'm not playing mediator in your petty little game. Do you want me to raise my voice, and join the show? Well, I’m out, honey, no wisdom to throw. I’m done doling out advice like a sage on call, I’ve got no interest in catching your fall. I won’t tiptoe around to keep you at ease, I’m uncharmed and unleashed, doing as I please. So go ahead, spin your drama, run wild and free, But I’m not here to mend what I didn’t decree. I’m past the point of caring, you’re on your own, I’ve left the stage, and I’m claiming my throne .

  I’m done carrying equality’s torch, For these boys who sit on their judgment porch, Quick to shame, faster to blame, While calling it “culture,” a broken game. They praise a woman when a man walks out, When she stands strong, they cheer and shout, But never a word on the ones who leave, Their cowardice is hidden up their sleeve. Boys who sin without a pause, Wrap women in shadows, without a cause. Yet when she fights to find the light, They label her “crazy,” and call her “uptight.” If the “man of the house” loses his ground, Stumbles through bars, and booze all around, It’s called a struggle, a bump on the way, But if she cries? It’s pity and scorn they display. They’ll gamble with love in a game of dare, Saying they want “truth” — but do they care? They write off her worth, then call her mad, When she builds herself from what they had.

  I was dumb, playing queen in your petty kingdom, Tough as nails, but now I’m done with the syndrome. Bottled up my feels, acted strong, acted tough— Well, guess what, folks? Enough is enough. I fought your fights, got caught in your drama, Held up your world while mine was stuck in a comma. Played protector, babysitter, the one who'd always care— But the girl inside me screamed, "Hey, that’s not fair!" Skipped self-care, chased the whole "tough son" thing, Never spoke my needs, even back at age seven—zing! Tried to be a hero in a world that didn’t listen, While my own joy just went missin'. Yeah, I gave up my faves, put myself on the shelf, All for you to bask and act like you built it yourself. Threw you parties, gave out free smiles, But I was drained for miles and miles. But guess what? Your junk's out the door, I’m done with being your emotional chore. No more compliments to puff you up high, While I sat in the shadows just getting by. When I cried...

  Honestly, it cracks me up every time, These Indian guys think I’m on cloud nine, Obsessed, in love—oh, please, spare me, Like I’m hangin’ on every word they breathe. The ones who never saw that look on my face, Discomfort was written clearly, yet they kept up the chase. Consent’s a foreign concept? Yeah, no surprise, They think a girl’s affection is a given prize. They act like I owe them my time and my love, Like I’m some saint sent down from above. The cowardly ones, leading me on slowly, Then playing innocent when I catch on, though. It’s amusing, really, I’m not even mad, In fact, I’m relieved I don’t feel so bad. No need to mother these boys anymore, No longer interested in what’s at their core. I don’t care who they are, don’t care what they do, I’ve got zero interest and nothing to prove. The illusion is fading, I’m no cute friend, I'm not pretending anymore, this charade’s at an end. They thought they could pull me into their game, But I’m way past caring, I’m not the sam...

  So, you think you can make me behave, Just 'cause it's your turn to save face— But you can't even respect me, and somehow, I'm the one who’s supposed to crave? You think you hold the upper hand, ‘Cause momma told you, "You're the man"? Please. I was never drawn to your charm; I only felt sorry for you—no support, no plan. See, you didn’t find me attractive when I acted the way you did, And now you think you pulled one on me? How silly you hid. Boy, you were the one who had no depth, Just followed whatever was on trend. Don’t judge you for that, but don’t act like you had any upper hand… Do you think I’m the one who got away? I can make anyone feel special when I like, And take away when you cross my line. I had to act so I don’t upstage you, So I don’t let your personality cage you. Way too good for your bratty behind, A zero-personality guy. Even your tastes were mine to lend— You think I loved you? Ha, think again.

  Honestly, what’s the point in wasting time, On men who couldn’t even make me quiver? Why am I feeding into the delusions, Of guys too fragile to even deliver? I gave chances to man-children, so needy, Who wanted a mother, not a lover, Go cry to your mom and get your nappy changed, If that’s the only comfort you can discover. Why did I ever bother with your feelings, Flaccid and flimsy excuses, Thinking they’re the kings of some broken empire. You parade around as if you’re gods of Venus, But lie with consorts, mistaking lust for reign, You think you’re rulers with your hollow pride, But your throne is built on nothing but shame. So here’s to cutting ties with your hollow games, Your feeble attempts to hold me down, I’m done with entertaining the delusions, Of men who only ever made me frown. I’ve got better places to be, better love to find, Than tending to the egos of boys who pretend, No more wasting my time, my strength, my mind.