Cruising Alone

Have you seen through it all? Did your heart ache when the angels took the fall? Were you breathless while you were drowning in that mess? Did you look for the light when it was nothing but countless empty nights? Did it ever feel like this - just a face in the crowd, hiding from the otherworldly kiss? Did you see it all clearly, how you escaped death, nearly?

  You brushed off my life as if I were reading from a book, A bedtime tale that barely made you look. You tossed out words like “facade” and “smoke-screen test,” As if I were a cog, a machine at best. If I were fake, then who would craft a thousand words? Diving deep into psychology, where truth is blurred. From astrology’s wisdom to spirituality’s light, I searched for answers in the quiet of the night. Through tarot’s whispers and Peterson’s mind, Through Sadhguru and Prashant I’d find— The Bhagavad Gita’s ancient lore, To know myself, to seek something more. A thousand talks, a thousand books, All just to figure out where I stood, where I looked. I sifted through every memory, piece by piece, To find the truth, to find some peace. But lost in shadows, how could I speak? Was I the fake? Or was I too weak? I had to work through the darkness, face each shadow, Even dive deep into the dark side of Kundalini's sorrow. Trauma, pain, it all flowed through, I searched for understanding,...

This poem reflects the intricate dance between inner turmoil and outward resilience. It explores how, in moments of deep emotional struggle, seemingly superficial acts of self-care—like tending to your appearance—can offer more than just surface comfort. They become a lifeline, a way to reclaim control and rediscover hope. Sometimes, nurturing outer beauty isn’t vanity; it’s a creative expression, a shield, and a source of strength that helps us navigate through the darkness. This piece celebrates how small, external gestures can spark inner healing and guide us past the shadows, reminding us that beauty, even in its most visible form, has the power to sustain and empower. When I was all hollow, dead inside, Skin and bones, that broken-eyed, There it was, my vanity bright— "Girl, an ugly corpse? Not quite my vibe." Pretty ain’t just surface gloss, Sometimes it’s the shield, the boss, When the bubbly zest had almost gone, I leaned on beauty and sang my song. Darkness tried to ...

  Life got heavy and dark all of a sudden, Old choices and regrets sneakin' out like shadows in the sun. Traumas, past moments – they’re all up in our faces, And we forgot how to act, and lost the "me" we used to embrace. Feels like every word’s a Chitragupta’s entry, Should we care for us, or keep the peace for plenty? Should we chase our truth or align with universal healing, Or keep spinning our wheels, just to keep others feeling? What’s right, what’s wrong – losing the grip, Which path is ours in this life’s crazy trip? Steady as it goes, or break away free? Trying to figure out what "right" really means.

  Why have I surrounded myself with the darkness of others? Letting shadows fill my days as if they were my own lovers. Why have I made my life devoid of its light, Strayed so far from my path that even hope feels out of sight? Why did I start asking others who I am, what I need, Letting their voices guide me, planting doubt’s bitter seed? Occupied with their struggles when mine are enough to bear, I neglected the battles I should’ve fought with my own care. I left behind what I was once carefully building, The dreams that were forming, the foundations I was gilding. Now the vase I wanted to shape is just a lump of clay, While others have baked theirs, potted plants that sway. I poured myself into their pain, into causes not my own, And now I stand here, with nothing of my own to have grown. I gave my hands, my heart, to mend what I did not break, But in doing so, I forgot the journey I was meant to take. It’s time to reclaim the light I’ve allowed to slip away, To knead the clay a...

I am the child of both—the wounded feminine, The scarred masculine; two sides etched in pain, Bound in a dance where darkness clings, To the marrow of my being, carved in silent strain. Battles rage beneath my skin, where shadows coil, My Hydra heart, a Cancer Moon’s tide, Swollen with secrets it can barely contain, Each head I cut, another ten arise. I tried to soothe one wound, Only to find another seeping through the cracks, The more I see, the less I know, This maze is endless, and the map fades black. Glimpses of wisdom glow like dying stars, Too distant to light my path, but there, still— A fleeting touch, a whisper of what could be, Yet I stumble through this cavernous will. The darkness spoke with a voice I feared, But in the echoes, I felt a distant fire’s grace, A light at the cave’s end, faint but true, And still, I wander, lost in this twisting place. For every step forward, the maze shifts anew, Its walls breathing, alive in my descent, Yet I push on, seeking a truth, A ho...

  I regret helping you, Regret the kindness I wasted, The grace I extended, soft and warm, Regret the times my hand reached out, Only to find nothing but emptiness in return. I regret being your friend, The way I opened my heart to your hurt, Regret the compliments, the praise I showered, Like rain on barren ground, Falling unnoticed, unabsorbed. I regret being motherly, Cradling your broken pieces while mine lay shattered, Regret the stupid battles fought for equality, As a girl, I bled for all, But found only deceit, only your shame. I regret showing you beauty, The reflection I tried to craft in your eyes, Regret every word, every touch, For all it brought me was regret, And the knowledge that some fights are meant to be lost. Maybe someday, I’ll feel grateful again, Maybe the ache will soften, and my heart will forgive, But today, all I feel is regret, A weight heavy and relentless, A reminder of all I gave, and all I lost. ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

  Can I honestly blame them, When I’m the one who lowered my guard, Made choices I knew were wrong, Just because someone suggested so? Do I not know who I truly am, What my values are, my beliefs? For the sake of fleeting connection, I sold my soul, my love, my peace. Why did I fear my own power, Turn away from my divine light? I let the noise shape my image, And shrink myself out of sight. How did I become so unrecognizable, Letting my dreams and desires die? All for temporary setbacks, For moments that passed me by. I craved understanding from those, Who could never see my place, Yet I kept on seeking, kept on bending, Chasing approval in their space. How can others believe in me, When I can’t even believe in myself? I let my voice drown in whispers, And left my true power on the shelf. ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

Stay away, stay away Keep those hands away Stay away, stay away I am not on display Stay away, stay away I just want my name on the hard black clay Stay away, stay away I am a kid who just wants to play Stay away, stay away All these memories are like a never-ending screenplay ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

In a box All covered up Am I safe here? Tell me I am safe here... The darkness around  It soothes me Where no one is found It is when I choose me... The faces you see It is all an act When it is just me I am in a tesseract... Come find me Come find me  I am begging you, please Come find me  Come find me I am on my knees In a car All pumped up Am I going there? Tell me I am going there... The scenes around It fuels me The breeze that surrounds It is when I feel free... The faces you see It is all an act When it is just me I am in a tesseract... Come find me Come find me  I am begging you, please Come find me  Come find me I am on my knees