Cruising Alone

Be happy with your new girl, Blessings from my end, I’d rather love me again. If you think you hurt me, Let me tell you this: You lost a gem, Someone who showered love, While you left me for dead. I’m glad you chose her, For I grew tired of making A coward feel special, A guy who squeezed the love and life Out of me, Now seeking another hen to cradle While I was left to bleed. But here I stand, With a smile on my face, Busting my ass, Finding my place. You may have thought you could break me, But I rise from the ashes, Stronger, more free. So enjoy your new love, In the light of your lies, I’m reclaiming my heart, Under brighter skies. With every step forward, I leave you behind, For I’ve learned to cherish The love I can find.

  Life got heavy and dark all of a sudden, Old choices and regrets sneakin' out like shadows in the sun. Traumas, past moments – they’re all up in our faces, And we forgot how to act, and lost the "me" we used to embrace. Feels like every word’s a Chitragupta’s entry, Should we care for us, or keep the peace for plenty? Should we chase our truth or align with universal healing, Or keep spinning our wheels, just to keep others feeling? What’s right, what’s wrong – losing the grip, Which path is ours in this life’s crazy trip? Steady as it goes, or break away free? Trying to figure out what "right" really means.

  I stayed wide awake, so the monsters that lurk Stayed at bay in the shadows, away from the work. Lived like the world spun solely on me, That if I faltered, it all would break free. Saving everyone, everywhere but here— Until my body whispered, let me breathe, my dear. And when I tried to voice this ache, Every word met with a subtle shake— "What even happened? Why do you dwell? See her and him; they’re doing well." They speak of forward, but I’m in reverse, Caught in the pull of a buried curse. How could I move, when chased by it all, With memories that rise and voices that call? If only my mind could unclench and release The images haunting me, denying me peace. Lost in my fantasies, I felt alive, Where imagination and dreams could thrive— Unchained and unclaimed, untouched, unknown, A sanctuary carved where I was my own. So now, for a while, a hermit I’ll be, Letting my mind and body breathe free. I am learning to pause, to let the world spin, To find solace within and s...

  Is it not disgusting, To feel the hands of a man you once asked to shield you, Men who roamed freely, exploring bodies without bounds, But turned their words into knives, to shame and belittle, Telling tales of another, "sexier" place to lay their lust, Mocking love like it was a joke between friends. Funny, is it not? When we cried out in agony, they laughed in the arms of strangers, While we clung to the pieces they shattered, They sought warmth in empty sheets, called it their right to "explore," And then returned, expecting sympathy, Claiming they had "learned"—demanding to be seen as human. Yet what kind of human laughs while another suffers? What kind of love thrives on shame? Is it not revolting, the thought of their touch, When all they offered was betrayal, wrapped in the guise of freedom?

  How can I blame the players when I get played? Dancing in their spotlight, I’m the game they’ve made. They charm with sweet talk, all sugar and lies, Spinning webs of deception, I’m caught in their guise. Oh, they love me like candy, till the thrill wears thin, Then poof! They’re gone, like a ghost in the wind. Am I empowered, or just bait on their line? A target for their games, yeah, that’s how they dine. They pout and they gossip, “Oh, women are sly!” While they pull the same stunts, oh boy, what a lie! Swapping tales of heartbreak, they wear their sad crowns, But treat me the same, just passing the frowns. But hold up, I’m rising, I’m flipping the script, A phoenix in heels, baby, watch me eclipse! No longer their plaything, I’m owning my voice, In this wild game of shadows, I’m making my choice.

  Honestly, it cracks me up every time, These Indian guys think I’m on cloud nine, Obsessed, in love—oh, please, spare me, Like I’m hangin’ on every word they breathe. The ones who never saw that look on my face, Discomfort was written clearly, yet they kept up the chase. Consent’s a foreign concept? Yeah, no surprise, They think a girl’s affection is a given prize. They act like I owe them my time and my love, Like I’m some saint sent down from above. The cowardly ones, leading me on slowly, Then playing innocent when I catch on, though. It’s amusing, really, I’m not even mad, In fact, I’m relieved I don’t feel so bad. No need to mother these boys anymore, No longer interested in what’s at their core. I don’t care who they are, don’t care what they do, I’ve got zero interest and nothing to prove. The illusion is fading, I’m no cute friend, I'm not pretending anymore, this charade’s at an end. They thought they could pull me into their game, But I’m way past caring, I’m not the sam...

  I build you up in my mind, Ignoring the signs I refuse to find. My gut screams truth, but my eyes stay blind— Now disappointment is the only friend I confide. I paint my world in colours so bright, But you bring your cynicism to dim the light. My heart bleeds from a thousand tiny cuts, And I play Slave Leia, bound to your Jabba the Hutt. You shatter my dreams with every word you weave, In your eyes, I seek love but find only deceit. All I sense is a void, a flicker of shame, And I’m left in the shadows, playing your game. I wish to bloom like a Dahlia, But in your life, I am the Gallia. I will leave you to your own devices And build me a life beyond the vices. Because I’m tired of you rolling the dice— I’ll spread my wings and soar, breaking the ties.

  So, you think you can make me behave, Just 'cause it's your turn to save face— But you can't even respect me, and somehow, I'm the one who’s supposed to crave? You think you hold the upper hand, ‘Cause momma told you, "You're the man"? Please. I was never drawn to your charm; I only felt sorry for you—no support, no plan. See, you didn’t find me attractive when I acted the way you did, And now you think you pulled one on me? How silly you hid. Boy, you were the one who had no depth, Just followed whatever was on trend. Don’t judge you for that, but don’t act like you had any upper hand… Do you think I’m the one who got away? I can make anyone feel special when I like, And take away when you cross my line. I had to act so I don’t upstage you, So I don’t let your personality cage you. Way too good for your bratty behind, A zero-personality guy. Even your tastes were mine to lend— You think I loved you? Ha, think again.

  Honestly, what’s the point in wasting time, On men who couldn’t even make me quiver? Why am I feeding into the delusions, Of guys too fragile to even deliver? I gave chances to man-children, so needy, Who wanted a mother, not a lover, Go cry to your mom and get your nappy changed, If that’s the only comfort you can discover. Why did I ever bother with your feelings, Flaccid and flimsy excuses, Thinking they’re the kings of some broken empire. You parade around as if you’re gods of Venus, But lie with consorts, mistaking lust for reign, You think you’re rulers with your hollow pride, But your throne is built on nothing but shame. So here’s to cutting ties with your hollow games, Your feeble attempts to hold me down, I’m done with entertaining the delusions, Of men who only ever made me frown. I’ve got better places to be, better love to find, Than tending to the egos of boys who pretend, No more wasting my time, my strength, my mind.

  How easy it is for you to cast your stones, Shame her for every step she dares to take, Knock her off balance, then stand tall, Proclaiming yourself the righteous man. Is it because you know the world better, Or is it that you know how to bend it? Twist truths like ropes around her wrists, Claiming your lies as simple logic, As if her struggle is merely hysteria. When she stands her ground, dares to speak, You push and shove until she breaks, And call it being strong, being a man, While she is labelled out of control. You can be mean, vile, even cruel, And the world will call it power, resilience. But let a woman wield her rage, Let her show the darkness you unleashed, And suddenly, she’s the one who’s lost herself. You judge her every breath and step, Her every choice scrutinized and weighed, Yet cry victim to gender's harshest bonds, Whenever she mirrors your own judgments. Some women bleed on battlefields of worth, Proving they are fierce, they are real, But you will never acc...

  So, you’re going to shame me now, Shame me for what—for trying to act like you all In those moments of frustration? While I read about sticking to morals When all I saw were immoral things swirling around me— I let some of it consume me, I admit it. And now, you’re going to call me a failure, Because I don’t fit your narrow definition of success? Be that as it may, I’d rather cry and scream right now, Because I’ve had those haunting dreams— Dreams that shred the nights open with their claws. At least by falling in front of you all, I can say it proudly now, without guilt or a tremble in my voice: I AM NOT YOUR BABE. So, go ahead and make fun of me for my boundaries, Do it loud and clear, laugh at me if you dare. But at least I’m not pretending to be moral and pure In front of your mothers, your wives, and society, While hiding sins under polished smiles. Guys like you, who asked why I hadn’t watched porn, Because you can say it all freely, right? And then you act wise and good in...

  Sympathy for guys like you? Nah, that never worked for me. You cried over girls who two-timed or broke your heart, And like a fool, I catered to you and played my part. But apparently, none of you ever saw me before— When I was good to people just because I could, you wanted more. So nope, I don’t care about being a good friend anymore. I sacrificed too much time, too much energy, Trying to lift you up,  But no more. This is my BIG F YOU To all of you people who never came through. Consort sleepers, lonely peeps I treated with care— I was kind when no one else was there. I used to hate how people treated you, But you took advantage, playing me like a fool, it’s true. You twisted my kindness, used my motherly nature, Now I see the truth, no more catering to your failure. So here it is, my final salute— A BIG F YOU to all of you who muted My needs, my voice, my worth. I’m done with you, you can take that to the earth.

  So you paid 13K for an escort after your dad died? And I tried to care about you , what a wild ride. Did Daddy whisper in your ear from beyond the grave, "Go on, son, warm your bed, and be brave"? You think you can shame me, drag my name through mud? Honey, I’ve walked through fire, I’ve bathed in blood. Done being the girl who cries over men like you, Who molested me since I was small, it’s true. Asked people like you to protect me from the start, But you’re just devils in disguise, tearing me apart. You come for me? I'll come for your crew, Your mothers, your sisters—bet they don’t know the real you. No more trying to understand your sick games, Keep running back to the escorts you pay, I’m done being played. You think you’re a king?  I’m done with people who only know how to bring me down. I’m here to spit facts, and you’re here to choke, ‘Cause I’m burning the bridges, and you’re going up in smoke. So take your 13K story and watch it decay, I’m done with all the fuc...

  Why have I surrounded myself with the darkness of others? Letting shadows fill my days as if they were my own lovers. Why have I made my life devoid of its light, Strayed so far from my path that even hope feels out of sight? Why did I start asking others who I am, what I need, Letting their voices guide me, planting doubt’s bitter seed? Occupied with their struggles when mine are enough to bear, I neglected the battles I should’ve fought with my own care. I left behind what I was once carefully building, The dreams that were forming, the foundations I was gilding. Now the vase I wanted to shape is just a lump of clay, While others have baked theirs, potted plants that sway. I poured myself into their pain, into causes not my own, And now I stand here, with nothing of my own to have grown. I gave my hands, my heart, to mend what I did not break, But in doing so, I forgot the journey I was meant to take. It’s time to reclaim the light I’ve allowed to slip away, To knead the clay a...

I am the child of both—the wounded feminine, The scarred masculine; two sides etched in pain, Bound in a dance where darkness clings, To the marrow of my being, carved in silent strain. Battles rage beneath my skin, where shadows coil, My Hydra heart, a Cancer Moon’s tide, Swollen with secrets it can barely contain, Each head I cut, another ten arise. I tried to soothe one wound, Only to find another seeping through the cracks, The more I see, the less I know, This maze is endless, and the map fades black. Glimpses of wisdom glow like dying stars, Too distant to light my path, but there, still— A fleeting touch, a whisper of what could be, Yet I stumble through this cavernous will. The darkness spoke with a voice I feared, But in the echoes, I felt a distant fire’s grace, A light at the cave’s end, faint but true, And still, I wander, lost in this twisting place. For every step forward, the maze shifts anew, Its walls breathing, alive in my descent, Yet I push on, seeking a truth, A ho...

  Do you think a strong woman stands only for herself? While society tears down others, comparing them endlessly? You talk about love and respect for the women in your life, But shame the rest, disregarding their struggles and strife. You praise the woman who fits into your narrow idea of right, But insult those who don’t conform to your limited sight. Is being emotional a weakness, or does it make us flawed? Does a man become fragile if he shows his heart is raw? You feel proud when you kick someone who’s already down, Calling us names while wearing a self-righteous crown. Isn’t it ironic, the way you preach virtues you rarely display? Expecting respect when you belittle others day after day. You try to measure our worth by our roles and our size, Dismissing our struggles as if they’re all lies. You throw your wealth around as if it can buy us, But love, respect, and time don’t come from what’s material or plus. You judge us for our emotions, call us unhinged or mad, But who’s tru...

How funny it is, That the rapist of my dreams says he liked me better when I was motherly, When I was "normal," pliant, the image of calm, And he thought it would work out between him and me. But my gut knew better, even then it whispered—NEVER. You say I showed my true colours as if I should have stayed muted, But when I spoke the way you always did, When I echoed the careless way you’d talk about women, Suddenly I became a list of colorful adjectives you could hurl my way. You say I was strong and level-headed once, And I still am—more than you’ll ever be. But you, who put me in life-threatening situations, You, who made me hate my own body, its functions, its needs, Does that make you wise, educated, "the man"? Even then, I could see you weren't in love with me—just infatuated, Like every other guy, I rejected them, not out of ego, but for their lack of depth. You were no different; you were just another shallow face in the crowd. The only reason you could ge...

  You speak of boundaries, time, and choice, With a polished tongue and a softened voice. You parade as a good son, partner, and friend, But your mask slips and the lies never end. Behind closed doors, you wield your words, A lightsaber of hate, aimed to hurt and burn. "Just shut your face," you sneered at me, And I watched your love turn into cruelty. You praised another’s body to weaken my pride, Sent pictures, and comparisons—cut me open wide. Now you say, “Just focus on chores, that’s your place.” But weren’t you the one who sought a woman of grace? You claimed you wanted strength, a voice with power, But only so you could make her wilt and cower. You preached respect, love, and honour like a saint, But your actions smeared the words with taint. You hide behind the mask of a dutiful son, But if your father saw you, would he be proud of what you’ve done? Did he whisper from the grave, "Avenge me, my son," By breaking down daughters until they come undone? You spe...

You came to my table, feasted from my plate, Laughed in my light, but your smiles were bait. You wore masks of friendship, cloaked in deceit, While all the while, you plotted my defeat. I opened my door, offered warmth and grace, Gave you my hand when no one else gave you space. Yet you held your knives close, hidden in the dark, Sharpened them quietly, aimed straight at my heart. You think you’ve won, watching me stumble and break, Smirked as my fire dimmed, relished what’s at stake. But don’t get too close; you’ve missed a crucial part— I’m retreating to gather, to reignite my heart. I am not the ashes you hoped would stay, I’m the flames reborn, igniting brighter each day. I see through your schemes, your cowardly lies, And I’m rising now, with a vengeance in my eyes. Make way, your time is done; I’m shedding the kind, No longer the one who forgives every crime. I embrace my darkness; it’s finally time, To reclaim my power, to unleash my climb. This is my villain era, the chapter yo...

Boys be saying they love you, Don’t want to hurt you, While expanding their haraam— Feeding their egos with borrowed charm. They speak of promises with slippery tongues, Yet choose to rank you like some coded run, A random key-value pair, In their scandalous dictionary, without a care. And when they’re done with their sad itch, Suddenly, you’re the bad bitch. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, Better back off, or I will gut you for free. Their flattery’s fleeting, a game to appease, But I’m not just a player; I’m the queen of the keys. No more playing nice or giving you grace, I’ll flip the script, put you back in your place. Not someone who wants to be chased, I’m the storm you’ll regret, a force you can’t erase.

So you're going to judge me for what I wear? As if those who brought you here wore more than air, Their "righteousness" is wrapped in the folds of nothing but time. You treat my name like an undisclosed variable, undefined, While you play the role of hero in a game you should have left behind. You brought your filthy drama, then lectured me on Karma— Is this your sacred path, your version of Dharma? If you think I’m obsessed, it's a curious confession, I’m just getting good at peeling away each false impression. ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

Oh, drop the good guy act, You pretended to care, that's a fact. Someone who was hiding their own shame, Called me psycho and crazy, how lame. You tried to charm me with your coffer, Brushed off my pain, saying, “Stop it, or else I won’t buy a lightsaber.” You took all you could and then asked what I have to offer? Funny how you wanted to burn it all down when you lost your maker, But when I cried and screamed, called me a big faker. You claimed to know love, but never took the time, To understand my heart, my rhythm, my rhyme. You wrapped me in darkness while claiming the light, But all you offered was a hollow delight. Now your shadows fade, and I choose to ignite, I’ll weave my own stories, reclaiming my flight.

  Funny, isn’t it? When you wanted access to me, I was a babe, The love of your life, sweet words on your tongue— But when it came to taking responsibility, You turned into a child, helpless, undone. A sorry excuse of a guy, Who once took pride in standing up to little bro's bullies, But how does it feel to emotionally bully a woman And then act like I’m the problem, While you paint yourself as some kind of hero? You tower at 6'2", brandishing your might, Thinking "it" grants you a throne, a right. But you chased hollow pleasures behind closed doors, Believing you conquered Venus— Is that your sad little idea of fame? You liked me motherly, sweet to touch, But the moment my claws came out, I was "too much." In your sadistic world, do you call it love When you twist your actions, manipulate my words? You didn’t like it when I mirrored your game, Suddenly, you’re a man who doesn’t want to beat around the bush— But if another woman played you at your own g...

  Where will all my anger go? Tell me, where will all my anger go? You say I am filled with hatred, But tell me, where will this rage flow? Because if I express it, I am not ladylike, I am not poised or demure; Instead, I am animalistic and vile, A woman who refuses to endure. Tell me then, was it alright for me to be touched indecently? Tell me, was it? Then tell me this as well, When I get angry, why do I cry afterwards, in an endless fit? People love to read the cute poems or the uplifting ones, For apparently, that makes me more of a sane woman. Does my anger make me a psychopath, A woman no longer "normal," shunned and banned? So if you violate my boundaries, You were just young or kidding, right? But if I come at you with my rage, Suddenly I am too difficult, insane, too ready to fight? Why do I have to deny all of it, And act sweet for your pleasure? Do you know what it feels like to want to feel safe, Safe in my body, my surroundings, without fear’s measure? Where wil...

  Do you know what it feels like? To want to burn your own skin, Touched by lust, sullied by hunger— Before I clawed at them, I tore within. Do you think there’s a reward if I keep moving on? My soul yearns to be set free, to be gone. But why did I forget, that my soul and body are mine? Why was I careless, crossing that line? Or was I just tired, weary and worn, Of eyes that devour, with hunger and scorn? Why did I think, giving to one could suffice, To shield me from others, to pay the price? How can I, as a woman, speak of pride, When I betrayed myself, cast my truth aside? How could I preach of love and light, When I surrounded myself in the shadows of night? Am I not a false prophet, lost in my clouds? How could I guide, when my heart shouts loud? Are these words of wisdom just to show? If I can’t walk my path, how can I help others grow? How can I make their lives bright, If I can't carry my own inner light? ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

  I played the role of the fool, Only to be loved like a tool. Not a destination, just a stepping stool, Why did I chase what I knew wasn’t true? Why did I close my eyes, pretend to be blind, When my soul saw clearly, left my heart behind? Afraid now to chase the dreams I once knew, Spent countless nights in pain, in screams I grew. Did they play me, or did I play myself? Seeking answers from those with no depth. Why did I let their delusions become mine, Turn my life into a sad pantomime? Why did I ask monsters to shield my soul, When I handed them the pieces to swallow whole? Trusting the darkness to give me light, I let them devour me, while I put up no fight. Now I stand, untangling the lies, Trying to rise above what I once despised. For I gave my worth away, bit by bit, But I'm reclaiming it now—no longer will I submit. ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

  I regret helping you, Regret the kindness I wasted, The grace I extended, soft and warm, Regret the times my hand reached out, Only to find nothing but emptiness in return. I regret being your friend, The way I opened my heart to your hurt, Regret the compliments, the praise I showered, Like rain on barren ground, Falling unnoticed, unabsorbed. I regret being motherly, Cradling your broken pieces while mine lay shattered, Regret the stupid battles fought for equality, As a girl, I bled for all, But found only deceit, only your shame. I regret showing you beauty, The reflection I tried to craft in your eyes, Regret every word, every touch, For all it brought me was regret, And the knowledge that some fights are meant to be lost. Maybe someday, I’ll feel grateful again, Maybe the ache will soften, and my heart will forgive, But today, all I feel is regret, A weight heavy and relentless, A reminder of all I gave, and all I lost. ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

  Funny how they say, move on , Before I even grasp the weight of it all— The ridicule, the cuts beneath my skin, The times they risked my health, played games with my life, And now ask why I can’t just forget, let it slide. The same ones who want a baby, A fresh womb, healthy and pristine, Never mind the scars they left on mine, Never mind the times they crossed my lines, Again and again, until boundaries were just a blur. And when I finally confront, stand up, and speak, They say, I won’t buy you a lightsaber, Mocking me, silencing me with condescension, Then preach about self-worth, as if they know, As if they didn’t chip away at my esteem piece by piece. Funny how they could see my open doors, The spaces where I gave too much, And chose to take and take, just because they could, Just because I foolishly put them above myself, As if that gave them a pass, a right to justify the pain they dealt. And now they talk of moving on, As if healing’s just a step to skip, As if my wounds ...

  So now, I am vile, disrespectful, And crass to the core, Because I’ve dared to speak with fire And refused to take your hits anymore. Is this what you call my "True Colors"? As if I was always this way, No longer the good, moral kid Who stayed quiet and walked away. Did you think grace was a lifetime sentence, A duty to be gentle, no matter how deep the cut? Even when you dragged me through the dirt, When you pulled me down and tore me apart. Did you forget how I was once nurturing, How I stood with you when you had no one else? Did you not see the care I gave so freely, The love I poured when you were a broken shell? But if even sunlight holds seven colours, Why must I be trapped in one shade? If I can be calm and serene like blue, Then I can blaze fiercely as red, unafraid. For there’s divinity in my light, It shines through every hue I show, Whether tender or tough, soft or severe— Each colour reflects how my spirit can grow. So, call it my "True Colors" if you...

  I’m tired of proving my worth, To rise above my petiteness, To shine through dusky skin, And to navigate a world That often sees me as less. I refuse to be the mirror For others’ insecurities, Or carry the weight Of burdens that are not mine, To shoulder emotional loads That drowns my own light. Most of my time and energy Drains into validation, And in the silence that follows, I wonder why I can’t smile, Why joy feels like a distant shore, A place I’ve yet to explore. I want to live from love and light, Not through fear or doubt’s embrace. To savour each bite, each moment, Without counting calories, But tasting the essence of life, Feeding my soul with joy, Not guilt or shame. My worth is not defined By the scales or others’ eyes, It’s a flame that flickers, An inner glow that thrives, So here I stand, unyielding, Ready to reclaim my heart, To love me fiercely, And let my spirit dance free. ~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse

  Do you think my strength is newfound? No, it was always there, A flame that burned fiercely, even when I was a child, A fiery woman who never backed down, Not for cowardly men like you— The ones who crept with vile intentions, Grabbing in the shadows when no one was around. Do you think I would let this go? You, who take pride in conquests, Boasting of the women you rate and compare, As if intimacy were some ladder to climb. Do you think your actions could ruin my image? No, they only bring light to your cowardice, Exposing the darkness you wrap around yourself. You asked me to trust you— As if it were your looks or intelligence That drew me in, that captivated my heart. But no, don’t live in that delusion, I saw a glimpse of reliability, a facade of safety, And I thought I could rest my weary soul. But worthy? Were you ever truly worthy? How could you respect my precious body, When you had no respect for your own? And then you dared to drag me down, To pull me into your pit of s...