I cut my wings to let you soar,
Lifted you high, while I hit the floor.
Cried in the night when no one could see,
Because your tears were all that mattered to me.
You clung to my strength, while I held your fears,
But when I crumbled, you turned deaf ears.
"Just stop, stop making it rain," you’d say,
While I drowned in the storm and you walked away.
For years, I hid my bruises and scars,
Played the role of your guiding star.
I couldn’t eat, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t rest,
Always on guard, giving my best.
Since childhood, I carried this weight,
Making sure you were safe, sealing my fate.
Now my mind’s heavy, begging for release,
Overloaded, desperate for peace.
You read a few articles, think you know it all,
Psychoanalyze me, say I’m ready to fall.
But where were you when I was only ten,
Reading every word, guarding every friend?
Stayed awake so I could protect,
Now I’m sleeping, but you call it neglect.
You think I’m lazy, emotionally weak,
When I’ve been alert every single week.
I tried to be a friend, not for gain,
But to heal the wounds, ease the pain.
I saw what others ignored, I heard what they shunned,
But you laughed, ridiculed, thought you’d won.
Never judged harshly, rumours meant nothing,
Saw you as people making foolish decisions.
But when it’s me, suddenly I’m “too mature for my age,”
Now “too childish” as I turn this page.
I was once responsible, did all things right,
But those achievements fade from sight.
“Why does someone who excelled now fail?”
You question me as if I’m under some spell.
Now my mind feels like a ticking clock,
Wound too tight, ready to knock,
And then I snapped, couldn’t hold it in,
The years of pain—let it begin.
You wondered where this came from, how it all broke,
But I’ve been drowning, and now I’ve spoken.
It wasn’t sudden, it built over time,
Years of silence, now I scream my rhyme.
Ugly and painful, it’s all laid bare,
But now I’m learning how to repair.
Even as I let go, I’m still not clear,
The knots are loosening, but the weight’s still here.
Not just in my mind, but in my bones,
Took years to carry this load alone.
I’m rewiring, learning to feel,
Picking up the pieces that were real.
But it’s still a mess, still a fight,
I’m choosing me, reclaiming my light.
I’ll mend in pieces, not all at once,
Healing’s slow—it’s not for the brunt.
But now I’m ready to take that step,
And I’ll find peace in what’s left.
~ Kanika Kaushal ✨ The Luminous Muse
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